Nyoka exploration story
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Nyoka exploration story
I had some inspiration for a story about Nyoka, so I started writing it It's the story of a girl who becomes a GenCorp Explorer and her adventures in the Nyokan solar system.
This is the first draft of the beginning; it will need to be re-written eventually and it's obviously just the beginning. But I'd like to get some opinions on it already
This is the first draft of the beginning; it will need to be re-written eventually and it's obviously just the beginning. But I'd like to get some opinions on it already
- Spoiler:
- “Newspaper for a platinum piece, sir? Newspaper for a...” Ah heck. What’s the use. No one reads actual paper newspapers anymore, anyway.
“Hey, Erin! How’s it going so far?” Erin turned around to see Aldon running up to her. “I’ve sold five already, there were some Entorean tourists who seemed very interested in them...” Erin greeted her best friend and told him: “No such luck here, I’m afraid. The newspaper business has been on the decline for years, ever since tablet pc’s became available to the public. I don’t know why they still insist on printing these things!”
Aldon gave her a supportive hug and tousled her short red hair. “Don’t worry, Firehead. We’ve got enough to buy some bread and cheese, that’ll support us for a few days. Come on, let’s go home.”
With a sigh, Erin agreed.
As soon as they got to their small but comfortable apartment, Erin dropped the unsold newspapers in the bin. Right where they belong, if you ask me. Bloody things.
“I’ll be right back, Erin. I’ll just go to the corner store real quick.” Aldon said while he went right out the door again. Not a minute later, she was startled by the doorbell ringing.
“Coming!” Erin shouted. Wow, that thing still works? She opened the door and saw a man with a white shirt, purple pants and hat with the GenCorp logo on it standing in front of here, a big but very fake smile adorning his face. Oh god, not one of those again. “Uhm, hi. Can I help you?” she asked, hoping he’d say he was at the wrong door or something. But no such luck, as he answered: “Why yes you can, young girl! GenCorp has a fantastic offer for you! I’m sure you’ve read about Project Nyoka on the GenCorp PocketComputer we handed out to everyone a while ago! I’m offering you the chance to be part of this fantastical project!”
“Uhm...” was all Erin could say for a moment. She was overwhelmed by the man’s enthusiasm. “Actually... I never turned on the GCPC you guys gave me. So no, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Sorry.” Gosh, Erin, why are you being so polite?! He’s from GenCorp, that can never mean any good!
The man seemed taken aback for a moment; obviously the story he had memorized didn’t foresee this possibility. But he quickly recovered: “Well then young lady, allow me to explain! As you have probably noticed, the earth isn’t in the best shape anymore.” Oh I hadn’t noticed. Captain obvious! “GenCorp has been trying to find a way to save mankind for years now. Recently, a wonderful new solar system was discovered, filled with fantastical new creatures and amazing possibilities! We are offering citizens of earth the chance to work for GenCorp as an explorer of this new solar system. More details can be found on the GCPC, just by tapping the Project Nyoka icon! Every weekend we’re holding a gathering for potential new explorers at the city hall. We’re looking forward to seeing you there, miss!” The man had obviously finished his story, as he turned to leave. Erin was still overwhelmed by all the new information and the energy the man had brought it with. “Uhm... thanks... I guess?”
“No, thank you, miss! See you soon! We’ll-ugh!” The man had bumped right into Aldon, who had come around the corner just as the man neared it. “Oh, young man, I’m so sorry!”
“It’s okay, I’m fine. Nothing’s broken or anything.” Aldon said.
“Good, good. Well, miss, remember to check the GCPC!” And with that, he vanished around the corner.
Aldon entered the apartment. “What the heck was that about? Did he try to sell you something?” Erin closed the door behind him.
“Well... I’m not sure really. I think so. He’s made me curious about something though. Do you remember where we left that GCPC we got?”
“Yeah, you used it as a coaster,” Aldon replied while putting the groceries away. “It should be somewhere around the coffee table.”
Re: Nyoka exploration story
I want more! I'm curious to her decision... and her future
gragohunter- Private
- Posts : 3
Join date : 2011-08-03
Re: Nyoka exploration story
:O Grago! I didn't notice you here yet! But yeah, I do want to write more, just don't have that much time right now xD
Re: Nyoka exploration story
Rhynn, will you explain why Erin and Aldon have such a negative view of GenCorp? I'd really like to know, because they're the good guys, right?
Anyway, great story. I'll second gragohunter: I want MORE!
Anyway, great story. I'll second gragohunter: I want MORE!
Narli- Sergeant
- Posts : 145
Join date : 2011-07-08
Re: Nyoka exploration story
Yeah I still have to find a way to incorporate it into the story. But basically GenCorp sorta took over the world and there will always be people opposing that. For Aldon and Erin I was thinking they lost their jobs because of GenCorp.
Re: Nyoka exploration story
I guess there's two sides of the medal to many things, including GenCorp. But them taking over the world? Not convinced on that one. Mind you, I think it's a good idea to show some of the darker sides of Project Nyoka's story, but exaggerating too much may conflict with the general context/canon. But Erin and Aldo losing their jobs because of GenCorp expanding and getting bigger is very plausible.
Please don't take this as an offense, it's just my opinion, others will like the idea, I'm sure. And I still think it's a great story. *craves for more*
Please don't take this as an offense, it's just my opinion, others will like the idea, I'm sure. And I still think it's a great story. *craves for more*
Narli- Sergeant
- Posts : 145
Join date : 2011-07-08
Re: Nyoka exploration story
Hrm yeah maybe I'll have to let GenCorp be slightly less powerful xD
I'm still playing around with the plot, your comment will help me So thanks ^_^
I'm still playing around with the plot, your comment will help me So thanks ^_^
Re: Nyoka exploration story
Hey, Rhynn, I thought about that "negative GenCorp"-thing and came up with something that may be used as a subplot. You said you had the idea of them taking over the world and all, but I wasn't coniced etc. What if there was some internal struggle with corruption? You know, the company started out ver idealistically and with the honest intention of helping everyone, but then some power-crazy people got in there and try to abuse the power they gain with it to control the markets, economy, politics and such by using their influence within the company as way of getting whatever they want.
Just an idea, tell me what you think of it.
Just an idea, tell me what you think of it.
Narli- Sergeant
- Posts : 145
Join date : 2011-07-08
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